The jeepney has always been an icon of Filipino culture.
It also bears witness to the daily hustle-and-bustle of city life. As such, many crazy stories happen inside this public transport.
Here are some of my experiences in the Queen City of the South:
THE ACID-TO-THE-EARS SOUND SYSTEM (HEAVY BASS) – It feels like you’re in a slow rock concert of the 80s. You can’t even understand the song. Who sets these things up?
THE ATE-KUYA SINDIKATO RAPPERS – Ever notice how they sing the same rap song most of the time. It’s like they had a prior group rehearsal. Some carolers in their late 20s look threatening. Imagine this, “Ate-kuya, hugawa inyong huna-huna, dili mi manaygonay, mao na jud ni.”
THE AWKWARD ACQUAINTANCE CONVERSATION (THE “KUNG-KINSA-MANGLIBRE-UG-PLETE” DILEMMA) – Someone you don’t know that much or a distant relative. You try your best to avoid eye contact since you’re not in the mood for small talk. These people usually ask personal questions you don’t like to answer in the presence of strangers. Usually ending with one person taking care of the fare after a quick awkward debate.
THE BADJAO DRUMMERS – Using recycled milk cans and rubber, these guys usually perform BUDOTS disco with whistle or their own version of Justin Bieber’s hit Baby.
THE BIG BAGGAGE PASSENGERS (TAHO, SACK OF RICE, FURNITURE) – Big enough to cause bumps, seating adjustments and internal traffic for other passengers. Just pray you’re not riding #34.
THE BIS-TAG-LISH TRYING-HARD CONYO JEJEMONSTERS – Keep it real guys. jejeje
THE CHIKA-TO-THE-MAX LIBAKERAS – Being loud, bitching and catching up to the latest chika transforms the jeepney into a studio talk show platform. Unaware, the topic of one of their conversations is sitting among them pretending to be asleep.
THE COUPLE-SEATING-TOGETHER ARRANGEMENT – Okay, we understand that you’re boyfriend and girlfriend, and you’re inseparable. But please if the jeep is crowded, I think a few minutes of being seated away from each other won’t hurt.
THE DRIVER WHO CAN’T HEAR YOU – There’s only one thing you can do. Ask the passengers near the driver to tell him that you’re supposed to get off 30 seconds ago.
THE FEELING CLOSE (MUSIKIT-GIHAPON-BISAG-KAMO-RA-DUHA SYNDROME) – For the love of God, please allow some seating allowance for personal space if possible.
THE FRESH FROM PASIL FISH KOMPRADOR – Good luck Downy. Related to #5.
THE HAIR-WIND-SLAP-COMBO IN YOUR FACE – Ladies, and some gents, please tie those loose-ends.
THE HAPAK-SA-KILID-MURAG-TANGKAL-SA-BABOY KONDUKTOR – This is where #18 will step into the spotlight to save the day.
THE HARI NG SAWSAW – Whether you’re checking your phone messages, or checking out the driver’s Super Balita newspaper, this guy is also reading alongside you.
THE HEAVY SNACKERS – I’m not saying you shouldn’t eat something if you’re hungry. Just not a complete value meal for the whole barkada. At the very least, share.
THE HIDDEN EXTRA BENCH FOR OVERLOADING – Though this is illegal, but if it’s the last trip home, you have no choice.
THE HIGHWAY GARBAGE THROWER – They’re usually related with #15. Please throw your trash in the bin provided for inside the jeepney.
THE HUMAN RIGHTS ACTIVIST (GALIT SA MUNDO) – Overacting passengers who make a scene. Their argument is valid but not so diplomatic in their delivery. They’re against everything that is written on this blogpost.
THE JEEPNEY MUSIC JAMMER (OPEN MIC CONCERT) – Karaoke sing-along culture. This also applies to those listening through their earphones.
THE MASTERS OF MAKE-UP – Employees who deserve to be in Guinness World Records.
THE MODUS OPERANDI GANGS – The art of misdirection. Be alert at all times.
THE MOKONG PEOPLE (SOMETIMES THE BLAME IS ON YOU) – God know Judas not pay. This is the reason why I hand over my fare a second before I get off the jeepney.
THE MUSIC FROM CELLPHONE LOUDSPEAKER – Please keep your playlist to yourself.
THE NANIMAHONG-SUNOG-NGA-LIGID BRAKES – These also include smoke-belching jeepneys. Some Jeepneys have three decades worth of problems. Safety last?
THE NO SMOKING SIGN VIOLATORS – Including the drivers. Really?!
THE PAKONG MOMENT – If ever you bump your head on the jeep’s ceiling, please don’t pretend like it doesn’t hurt. It hurts. We know. And other minor bloopers.
THE PA-UGAT SYSTEM (EXCESSIVE WAITING TIME) – The probability of a passenger to show up in about x minutes is 1%. Plus a bonus of refueling and talking with other drivers when you’re almost late…Taxi!!!
THE PERVERT MAGNETS – Women wearing revealing outfit who get angry at #32.
THE RELIGIOUS ENVELOPES DISTRIBUTOR – These are forcedly placed on your lap. Since you’re not sure if it’s legit and you donate something, just hope it really goes to charity. Or worse, if you don’t give at all, you feel bad about yourself.
THE REPULSIVE BODY ODOR – This is unavoidable. Just accept your fate.
THE SLEEPER (HEAD BANGERS) – I don’t know why but many people get better sleep in transit than in their own beds. These people can still sleep with #1 in the background.
THE SPITTER – With or without phlegm. Worst case is when the jeepney is moving fast, you’re leaning outside and your face gets showered even when it’s not raining.
THE STARER (aka SNIPERS WITH SHADES) – Is there something on my face? Are you falling in love with me? Are you slowly undressing me? Murder thoughts? What?!
THE STRUGGLE-IS-REAL MULTICAB DESIGN – This vehicle is built for fun-sized people. No offense. This is ergonomics gone wrong.
THE SUPER BILANGKAD (MANSPREADING) – I don’t know. I was born this way.
THE SUPER SLOW (FUNERAL SERVICE) AND SUPER FAST (F1 RACE) – Speeds range from 20kph to 120kph.
THE SUPER-PUNO-KULANG-PAG-LIMA SYNDROME (SARDINES MODE) – Nothing personal, just business. If the capacity is 24 persons, that means 30 persons. Simple logic. I don’t care if five of them weigh 350 pounds said #13.
THE TAPULAN-MUTUNOL-SA-PLETE SYNDROME – The opposite of this is when there’s only the two of you and you’re forced to relay the fare to the driver who’s 2 meters away from you.
THE TRIP TO JERUSALEM (PATAKAG INSERT LUBOT KAY KAPOY LAKAW SA TUMOY) – That’s the rule people. First in, first out. Well, except PWD and Senior Citizens.
THE WALAY SINSILYO PEOPLE (500 OR 1000 PESOS) – Just deduct seven pesos from that amount. Perfect way if you want to get back at the jeepney driver and konduktor.
THE WASTED ONES – Bestfriends with #20, #29 and #30. These are the YOLO passengers. Worse than #31, watch out for the surprise puke attack. Yikes!
There you go. What’s your favorite jeepney experience?